reading helter skelter

Sunday, July 23, 2006

I woke up not long ago.

I had a dream,

but sadly forgot what it was.

I really do not know what to say about this.

Frankly this is just about the most truthful and sincere that you have of me so far.

What happened yesterday happened for a reason.

That i took as a sign, to haul ass, to press on, to do it with my own blood,

and not with INK on a piece of paper.

I was sad, yes.

I was disappointed, yes.

I was angry at myself, probably.

But i know that if thats what it is, thats what it is.

Thats what He wants, so be it, i'll stay firm and trust.

But what i'm really weeping for, where the cut really cuts deep,

is over the question, "where have my dreams gone to?"

I realise that, sadly, i've lost my dreams.

they've reduced to becoming something that i can't even comprehend already.

or they've been crushed, somehow.

I don't see the masterpiece behind the brass instrument as i used to see anymore.

It has just become a piece of brass to me.

I don't see the passion behind love anymore as i used to feel or hear about.

You fall short, and crash.

What happened yesterday, i can live with.

In fact, i'm already over feeling self pity and anger over what happened.

Like what my friends, family said,

its a learning expierience, and i'll do better the next time.

To you guys, thanks for being there, really.

I'll take this as something that will push me harder in getting to where i want to,

and yes, i'm fine already.

but what i can't live with, is that my dreams have somehow been extinguished.

well, i can cry over it, smash windows, drink coke till i die,

but hey, its not going to help, its NEVER going to help.

I can leave it, and retain my cheer, go to school tomorrow, meet friends, be cheerful,

but still having that hole there that will slowly expand and one day consume me.

To all you out there who feel as if you have lost your dreams, or perhaps maybe in the hustle and bustle of this world, you have forgotten it,

i just wanna say i understand, and i'm sorry for thinking that it was no big deal before.

now i'm here, i can say that it hurts.

and i guess, the only thing that we can only do,

is to just start dreaming all over again.

and in Faith, in time,

we'll find that spark again.

I'll be fine.

post by joshua at 4:19 AM (x)

Being Joshua.
Undoubtably Joshua
SAX. JAZZ. ALL THAT SORT.
REROUTES.
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Mr."CHIP" Weijie
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Carissa's Catastrophe
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Alston

RE-REROUTES
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cheers.