reading helter skelter

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Okay this is totally unacceptable.
I've heard of Lady in the water,
but a Prawn in the water is just too much for me to take right now.
Just came home, and behold, i saw to my horror a prawn sitting happily at the bottom of the fish tank without the fish my dad is trying to rear.
Its all in the name of maturing the tank they say.
I just sit, and be amused.
haha.

Just to clear the cloudy water these days, (pun not intended,)
The crazy me is still alive.
yes, i'm not dead.
just because i get all murky and dark does not mean i'm dead,
buried six feet under,
or jumped and hauled away by aliens for that matter.
Lets just say i've been saving up on crazy fluids till after the big O.
Yes, to those who have already thought i was quite quirky the past 5 days or so,
I AM SAVING UP.
so there.
haha.

Let me assure all you readers out there (if there are any signs of you anymore that is),
that everything is still quite peachy, a ok.
save the scampering rats across the floor boards and the recent wave of tabloids crashing into my life,
everything is just perfectly fine.
really.

oh and one more thing,
the snapple quick fact today is:
Did you know that mosquitoes are attracted to people who recently had bananas?
Yupp, i know, i never knew too.
well, so for all those buzz lightyear fans out there,
TO INFINITY, AND BEYOND!!

cheers.
thank you for your kind indulgence.

post by joshua at 7:59 AM (x)

Friday, October 20, 2006

Sitting here wondering what the past few days have since meant to me really brings an empty ring to my head.
The days are getting longer yet compressed and i've lost track of time in its finest essence.
Everyday seems to be a notch in a spinning record.
The same things are being played over and over and over and over again.
Life seems to be spinning, yet i can't feel the most little things that come by me.
They call it numbness, a sense of shock,
But i think i would properly credit it to vacant-ness.
A vacuum where space and time has been properly flushed out, filtered, and what comes through is just a sense of senselessness.
I cannot really remember what has happened over the past one week, but strangly the facts that have been forced and squeezed into the depths of my brain seem to surface out without fail.
Everyday i rise without realising how peaceful the crisp morning air feels,
Depart without looking around at the things happening,
Mugg up without so much of a consternation till i get tired,
Eat without giving thanks,
Arrive without a word to family or friends,
Lie on my bed till the cycle repeats itself.
A vicious cycle repeating itself like a reused cliche,
Blandness and monochrome creeps into play.

Apologies on my absence the past week.
I'm sure without even giving a reason everyone should know the reason why.
Life is normal, as usual on the surface of things.
Everyone has since completed another year of formal schooling.
We're down to our last 13 days to the beginning,
And 20 odd days to the beginning of the end.
specks of light can already be seen.
Press on everybody.

post by joshua at 10:32 PM (x)

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

He has since crashed.
He had never felt such weight before in his entire life.
A staggering rip downwards, into the rolling depths of hell.
A continuum flurry of surpressed agony.
Unable to unleash them,
He sits and battles them, deep within the chambers of thought and memory.
Anger versus Peace, a face off that marrs the processes of the faculties.
By looks he blends into the surroundings,
A ubiquitous being, just like the rest scampering around him.
But inside mind and soul,
The darkness juxtaposes well,
A dark entity against the pureness of heavenly powers.
The loudness of the peaceful surrounding,
Pierces into the depths of his mind, and magnifies the echoes of the voices within.
Searching, crying, trying, but never finding the source.
He sits, he muses.
He has since crashed.

post by joshua at 9:00 AM (x)

Monday, October 09, 2006

The End is coming.
3 more days to.. the season finale if you might?

School's really starting to become a prattling bore these days.
The end seems so near but yet so distant that one just wants out almost immediatly.
Well, nothing really much to say actually.
Just came home.. been holing myself up at changi airport everyday..
rather explains the reason why i haven't been on msn for such a long time.
Seeing all the tour groups come and go past my studies,
i really just can't help it but to feel envious of them.
I want, okay.. cancel want.
I DESIRE to be on a plane..
I can't take the one plus month wait to get on it anymore..
"oh send me to those flames at once!"
- As quoted from krishna in his deep desperation.

Tomorrow's the last time to sing the school song.
Its gonna be a blast..
looking forward to sing it ONE LAST TIME.
hmm.. there's some vibe in those words i feel.
But then again it might just be my stomach complaining of midnight hunger.
Oh this is just positively exciting..
the season finale.. can you imagine that??

cheers.

post by joshua at 9:00 AM (x)

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Hello world.
Been skimming on the top of things lately, never really had a chance to concern myself with things of late.
A bad consequence, i must frankly put it, a wrong step, equivilant to the misguided judgement of "The tiger is in the cage so i'm perfectly safe." mentality
Wrongo. folks if any of you ever have such silly frivolous judements, here's the sad reality.
Tear them up into little itty bitty pieces of scrap memory, and stuff it down your sibling's throats, or pet's for that very matter.

Truth is, i've been so dissociated with the revolving mass of cosmic protoplasm these few days that now i'm literally "Lost in Transition/Translation".
It ain't no disney Tom Hanks, Scarlett Johanssen Flick,
and i can bluntly tell all of you from this perspective here that it is very uber duber confusing.
Goodness its as confusing as having a female with male hormones going for a sex change, but still having to end up needing to put on make up and Goodness knows whatever contraptions just because he/she/he still thinks that she/he/she is still a woman. No wait, Man.. wait man like a woman, or something along that line.. goodness... see? even i'm getting confused now.

A consience tells me to see "what happens" in the weeks to come,
but then again, i have a feeling that if i don't settle it by the end of this week,
the world would come to a certain cataclysmic end.
okay, maybe its not THAT SERIOUS to the extent of a global armageddon,
but i have a certain hunch like quassimodo,
that if i don't solve this soon like a cheesy soduku puzzle wired to a bomb,
i'm gonna loose something i care alot about.

To whomever it may concern,
i really do not know what this is about,
but give me time,
i'll settle my life asap.
thanks for understanding, if understanding ever came across as a plea from one person that probably deserved a little better.
cheers.

post by joshua at 9:37 AM (x)

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Under carissa's persuation, and guidance i present:

Understanding the Essence Of being Joshua, Part 1.
ENJOY!

http://www02.quizyourfriends.com/takequiz.php?quizname=061007065036-265391

post by joshua at 3:58 AM (x)

Friday, October 06, 2006

Dissociation.

In the beginning,
It gives you a perception,
Of an Association,
This Association They call it,
And like a mighty chorus They chant in the streets,
Full of triumph,
Full of pride,
And full of Illusions of This Association.

Seasons pass,
The poor soul,
Trapped by the illusion,
Becomes blind at the sight of a crippled demise.
Devoting himself to This Association,
Everything else falls behind,
As They continue to parade,
Continue to feed Him with sweet subtle poison.

In His veins,
The poison seeps,
And in final a final stroke,
He falls to Their sweet possesion.
Misted by sweetness,
Of malted falls and beautiful endings,
He swears allegiance to This Assiociation.
In hooting Glory,
They know, They have him.

The parades stop,
The trumpets fade into the misty distance.
It is time.
Coaxed by sympathy,
He pours out to Them,
Silver, gold, even His soul.
Taking all in with suppressed glee,
A face they show,
A pitying fool,
Yet another shows,
Savages, taking, stealing but never returning.

And then,
A turn, its dawn, They're gone,
Fled over the mountains,
Gone under the sea.
He stands there and looks,
Not much in shock, or stunned silence,
But of deep hurt, silence and misery.
How a fool He had been!
To have tangled himself with This Association in the start.
But naught can be done,
The knife stabbed, the culprits in a distance.

So as He drags off alone,
Into the blood red sunset,
It would seem that This Association,
With all its perceptions and tainted illusions,
Was a mere nothing more than
A Dis-sociation.

-Josh. 10/06.

post by joshua at 10:46 PM (x)

Hello.

Today is a VERY SPECIAL DAY.
errhmm..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIGRESS JANE!!! haha!
16 already.. please act up okay? haha.. don't stress yourself out, and do take alot of rest and care!
we want to hear you talk again!! haha.. folks if you all don't flow, its cause the poor girl lost her voice today!!
so... she would like us to pray for her! and we would! haha..
take care yea? sorry i can't find a photo to dedicate to you..
no worries! i'll specially take one for you then! haha!

cheers!

post by joshua at 8:18 AM (x)

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Hello all.
with absolute concurrence with Charmaine aka "Hamster" Chow, (haha..)
School is currently a factor of happiness for me..
cherishing the final 7 days left of formal secondary school education.
it has been a bittersweet 4 years,
lots of memories, lots of friends, lots of many things that one can never ever truely explain.
and for myself, if everything goes right,
this marks the end of my 10 years in the DOVER neighbourhood.
seriously, the dover, clementi right up to boon lay stretch has been a second home to me all these years, travelling up and down, up and down incessantly and endlessly day after day for 10 years, for lunch, projects, outings, work etc...
spending a decade doing such things sure does make you stop and think about how much you'll miss waking up so early, just to rush down breakfast and challenge time to the school gate,
or travelling up to boon lay for a movie and lunch right up to uneartly hours before making way back to bedok,
or even the long, tiring and even sometimes dreadful rides in the buses/Mrt.
I'm sure gonna miss these small things in a big way.

Along with the memories of little travel adventures down the MRT line, friends and teachers would also be dearly missed, if not even longed for.
a decade puts people deep in your heart, their impacts and all etched in a special place just for these emotions.
right up from the start; the well forgotten but missed days of childhood in FMPS, the AV gang and all, to the very end of days; with a squirrel, pokemon, tigeress, donkey and a still undefined creature, or even with a noisy act cute monster and a hydrogen perioxide stained girl the memories will stay.
To this 3 groups of people in my transition throughout this 10 years, Thank you so much.
i just cannot express whatever i want to say in such a short space here.. another 10 years wouldn't be enough too. haha.
BIG apologies for the recent negligence and dissappearance.. Os and all.. but promise after the Os i'll make it up!! haha..

Not much of a social person, so i'm really really really comfortable and contented with these people.. but unfortunatly, if i move on, a new life awaits me in the horizon.
Frankly speaking i'm scared for what's going to happen next year, its literally a NEW BEGINNING if everything goes right.
But then again they say there's a perfect time and place for EVERYTHING.
So that i guess i'll leave it to Him to lead me.

So, folks that still have one more, perhaps 2 more years in school,
do CHERISH it.
right now, if i were to be given a chance to start over again, i think i would..
the end of sec3 till sec 4 part.. haha.. cause i can most vividly remember that.. sec 1 and 2 needs deeper meditation.
oh well.
a BIG salute to FAIRFIELD.
Thank you for a decade i guess? haha.
cheers.

post by joshua at 3:42 AM (x)