reading helter skelter

Bibbity Bobbity Boo.



Dang.. i just realised the vast quantities of teacher's day cards to do.
All in all there's NINE cards. sheesh.
Okay, maybe if you're a girl, you might think, hey 9 cards is probably nothing,
but do keep in mind i used to fail art, and not meaning to be sexist or anything,
but i do think that the girls are much better at doing such things.
so there. 9 cards.



Okay. lets discuss the politics of teacher's day.
say i have 9 cards, but yet there are 12 teachers that come in contact and have taught me.
so i wonder what does that show.. hmm.
well, you can't blame me, but i'm sure there's a certain kind of politics and system governing one's choices and decisions of what to buy for whom during this very special occasion.
ok. i don't think i should continue with this topic.
its kinda touchy.. haha..
probably time to get on with the cards anyway.
cheers.

post by joshua at 4:06 AM (x)

So i'm back.



Well, probably about time anyway.
been away for a good 2 weeks already.
Many things happened in the course of these few days, actually i can't remember most of them.
I've just been indulging in LOST these few days. haha.. wanna get LOST too..
thinkin it'll be kinda cool to be in their situation.. Hmm..
well, for starters i just arrived home.
CORRECTION to previous posts:
today was indeed the EARLIEST ever, making it back at 1 on the dot.
like Neo would have promtly said, woah.



Anyway had my prelims english paper 1 in the morning.
It was not that bad, just hoping i wrote legibly for the teachers at least.
been growing tired of the "WRITE LEGIBLY" notes they've been scribbling lately.
Talking about teachers, tommorrow's teacher's day celebrations.
haha.. haven't gotten my materials yet.. gotta do that soon.
school's kinda nice i must say, halting our prelims for teacher's day and the day off.
BUT, unfrotunatly for me, "days off" kinda got rescheduled to become "study days"
Oh bother.



Been contented these few days, pleasantly..
just living each day within my means i guess.
gotten a few surprises here and there,
and i must say, its nice to see your influence in someone/something prosper.
gives that warm fuzzy feeling inside.
well, its just 2 more months to the big ones, after which i'll denounce officially my title of NERD for about a month or two and just go crazy on every single thing.
oh i just can't wait.. i wanna leave on that jet plane.. seriously..

post by joshua at 10:13 PM (x)

I'm tired.

Breathless and feeling that all this just don't make sense anymore.

We keep telling ourselves to keep smiling, to keep searching,

But at the end of the day, i'm just empty.

What's the use of "being there" and getting all the things i "so deserve to get"

When at the end you just look back and go, "hey, i'm not doing this in my work today."

Could have spent my time doing something more worthwhile,

Something that perhaps would make me happier,

Vocationalist? companionship? migration?

Perhaps, but a greater power saw me through to a path of the knowledged.

For that, eternally grateful i will ever be,

But sometimes, in times like THIS,

When everything seems so colourful, and you're the only black and white,

You just wonder, was this really correct?

Is this really what i am?

Somehow, you want to let others know that you need comfort, for you are saddened and weak,

But then you see yourself as a pillar of strength for others,

And for the reasons of not wanting to let them down or discourage them,

You play a strong front, keeping silent, hoping someone, somehow can tell,

Letting the pain and the sorrow eat you up inside.

Sometimes, true eyes do see,

And pick you up from whence you fall,

But sometimes, in your darkest and deepest world of monochrome sorrows,

You realise, with great saddness and anguish,

That theirs still has colour,

And, not wanting to taint the already joyous and colourful picture before you,

You slip back into the shadows, letting tears drown you inside,

And dream.

-lamantations of a boy in monochorome.

20.09.06

post by joshua at 4:19 AM (x)

First up.
had a wonderful day today, great break from the hustle and bustle of the week.
i gotta say, don't really want this day to end.
cause after today, life's gonna hit back to the bottom of the pit like nobody's business again.
and the race will begin again. that sucks.
well, not actually feeling THAT well today, physically and psy-ly ( if there was ever such a word)
with two freaking ulers on the lips that restrict you from pronouncing the simplest of words, and a freaking feeling of self distress and being strung up and taken for, well, it kinda wouldn't be VERY good.
BUT. Thank God for the day.. marvelous marvelous.



well, really started the ball rolling when i went to meet weijie and elis for dinner.
hmm okay.. techincally i was the ONLY one having dinner.
the both of them just watched.. WELL.. we WERE supposed to have dinner..
but the both of them decided to go on a diet, strangly.. haha..
haha.. was DEAD hungry. (not as if hunger can be dead but used as a figurative to describe that i was on the verge of eating a whole cow. - fyi to those who need it.)



after that was off to the theatre..
took a nice long evening route that made me feel like a tourist there and i regrouped with my class not long after.
hmm.. musical was not bad.. entertaining actually... naomi and i were at shambles when it came to the part with the brollies and the part with the fmps kids. "woof woof" i'd say! haha..
all in all, it was a really good effort and the standards were there.. well.. you COULD say they were. jolly good show i must say. haha.



post musical pandemonuim.
the highlight of the photography of the day.
my date was overjoyyed!
( the date that i am refering to is not a particualar girl i'm interested in, but instead, but soon to be wife/camera.)
yea... i'll post them later.. so like that story goes, we went to have ice cream before rushing home.
i almost missed the last bus.. thank goodness for the traffic light.
so got home round 1 plus, and guess what..
oh nevermind.. thinking about what happens after today is such bullshit.



oh my mom is finally back! yay!
with gifts! (which she claims i can only know tomorrow.. darn..)
i'm LOVING her RIGHT now..
actually, ALL OF THE TIME.
ok.. that was just to express thanks..
on to the photos.

Once again, the partners in crime.

Leo-ness and i.

two roses and a thron in the middle. heh.

the cast of desperate "schoolgirls"

Issac. ben. josh. stanley

the people the chicken rice in the canteen should be very AFRAID of..

Natties meets jinxy lesbians.

natalie and her cute dress.. haha..

jane nat josh

smart brained and the smart mouth

jane's famous "i am angsty" shot

The lion sleeps tonight.. caught! busted!

HUH?

Newest LV model. move aside giselle, and make way for jane.

the bubblies wish you good night!

cheers.

post by joshua at 10:58 AM (x)

I feel a certain vibe in the atmosphere,
a certain feeling of excitement,
i feel happy.



well, two pieces of GREAT NEWS.
1. i oficially declare myself FINE. haha! after what has happened these few days, it has shrugged itself off somehow! haha!
2. tomorrow is gonna be an exciting day. haha.. like jane rightly puts it, le grandeur! haha! we shall see what happens eh??



well, pouring over physics now, deciding to study INTO THE NIGHT, for once this whole chaotic week.
tomorrow morning too is devoted to the books, we sec 4s lead VERY mundane lives don't you all think?
then at 4, its heading down to esplanade to find interesting snapshots.
haha.. 6 meeting weijie and elis for a nice dinner before the musical.
haha! can't wait can't wait! haha... its so gonna be a blast!



OH and today its a very special day! no.. its not because of the opening of the musical,
BUT, its CARISSA HONG's BIRTHDAY!



TO CARISSA's CATASTROPHE (and her fat kid eating pie for that matter.)



HAPPY BIRTHDAY! =)



cheers.

post by joshua at 7:35 AM (x)

I'm supposed to be sleeping now,
but i can't sleep a wink,
well, most probably due to the coke a few hours ago.
hmm.. maybe?
haha well, i've realised i just started a trend!
a "to-do-list" trend that quite a few have picked up.
haha.. including jane and carissa.
haha.



well, was blog surfing just a bit ago, and bumped into jane's! haha..
she was talking about the upcoming founder's day dinner that we would be going to.
well, actually had a conversation with her yesterday about the prospect of the FFD and ended up getting all so excited about the whole thing!
haha.. we were discussing dressing and colours, and enving the previous sec 4 batch for their never ending flair and pomp in the hotel that night.
haha, in the end we made a pact, jane in a DRESS, and i in a unconfirmed yet but outlined suit.
haha! well, really excited for that event, come to think about it, really can't wait for it.



chatting with jane now actually, she's trying to SEW her dress for this coming saturday's musical. haha..
now have to look for other counterparts to wear the dress with jane. hmm.. naomi? carissa? chanel?
haha! well, didn't really accomplish much today, only did a whole lot of math.. no sciences, and i'm feeling the impact of the guilt.. maybe i'll go do some chem now..



cheers.

post by joshua at 9:11 AM (x)

Shot of the week.

N O

(for better quality and bigger size, go to my flickr photo stream.)

Rebellious nature

angst

contrasting ideas

BUT, also a reminder for me to say NO to giving up.

Life may be difficult, but at the end of the day, its gonna be worth it.

to those who's been telling me to press on and not to give up,

this photo is dedicated to you.

cheers.

post by joshua at 10:42 AM (x)

Greetings all.

haha.. went for planetshaker's concert today with jac, joelyn, yun xing, joshua toh, lanz and esmonde.

was a fairsian playground today, met so many groups. haha.. but mostly sec 3s.

it was rumoured that the sec 4s went yesterday. oh no.

well, the day was pretty much average,

went around orchard before going to class with my new toy,

my uncle loaned me his nikon 5000.. its kinda fun to play with, more features and all,

i might buy it off him, but my dear SLR, i promise to get you someday! thats my ultimate promise to you!! haha..

anyway, snapped a few, now waiting to post-process, those goes to flickr.

then it was class.. haha.. the usual ENGLISH.

a twist of fate in class i must say.

i actually wasn't planning on going for the concert, as i heard the tix were all out.

but joash messaged me halfway and told me to contact a certain Gina.

so i did, and voila! i got a ticket!

well, so after class flew down to suntec to meet the rest for dinner.

after dinner was the concert, at expo, sweet.

well the concert was good, though it was loud, reminded me of zouk the other time,

but surprisingly my ears didn't ring after that.

changi airport for drinks after that.

actually wanted to have ice cream, but the whole concert went to changi,

so we were forced to have drinks instead.

well, they had to go off early so it was a quick one.

now i'm darn tired, but i've still got work to do, darnnn...

well these days i'm talking without perspective to emotions.

haven't been really in control lately,

some of you might know..

but at least i'm one hurdle through, since yesterday.

wanna say sorry to you two..

its not bout you two and all,

but i just need time to take control again.

what happened recently was just becuase things have not been going very normally for me,

but thank God it was cleared up yesterday.

my sincerest apologies for any unhappiness or sadness caused..

well at least it would be MUCH better now, knowing both side's story and clearing it up.

and it won't happen again, promise.

yeaa.. i need time i think, but i would be fine. haha. =>

well, here's photos of today.

lanz took some, as he was fascinated by my cam.

well lanz, get a cam and start shooting!!

cause photography is DARN fun!!

haha.. yea well, enjoy folks.

cheers.

Top left: Jac YX JOELYN

middle left: the SUPER WHITE photo. tried to slavage it.. hmm

middle right: the famous Lanz toh fetish for feet/ass.

Bottom: lanz, where am i??

Being Joshua is difficult.

post by joshua at 10:03 AM (x)

Things to do by this week and next week:



1. Tidy up chemistry. It has been a long time.
2. start on other subjects.
3. tidy up my shelves. they're starting to look sinister.
4. start saving for a spanking new canon digital SLR.
5. revive my stagnant flickr page with more photos.
6. catch samuel ryo before he flies off for the remaining months before christmas.
7. pester mom to get me shoes from australia. haha.
8. remind carissa that chanel is spelt C-H-A-N-E-L, not S-H-E-R-N-E-L
9. scrouge for band to join after the os.
10. ask norman if he's interested.



Hmm.. i should be sleeping now. technically.
I feel sleepy, but yet still quite awake at the same time.
darn i need more adrenaline in my life.
hence number 9 and 10 for the checklist.
i keep saying i'm going to be a musician, i'm gonna be in a band.
well, i've talked the walk, probably about time to walk the talk as well,
can't be really sure if i'm fitted for this path unless i get on with it.
well, hopefully i can make it.
well, the Lord guides.



anyway, things seem to be picking up.
slowly, but steadily thats for sure.
finally sobering down to start on the important things, aka studies.
life's starting to "un-mundanize" itself.
starting to revive my photo collage,
found more jazz in the storeroom,
canon D something (can't quite remember) looks stunningly seductive.
a selmer paris any coloured soprano sax excites me.
dreams coming back and things becoming clearer.
looking forward to founder's day next year,
promises of europe around the corner.
emotions aside, you could say i'm starting to bounce back.
take cover folks.



well, the movies officially stopped 2 days ago.
sigh... i'll be missing them.
like all the super hero/ villain movies always say,
its for the greater good.
i THINK i understand.
well, someone also told me to make things less rigid and suffocating,
plan out what would you like to do after the os.
and VOILA! i did.
just because i was very bored and particularly sick of studying that day.
hmm.. THAT funky sneakers floated into my mind again.
cool beans.



Things i WOULD LIKE TO DO AFTER THE Os.



1. Finally design and make something with yours truely, NAOMI and NORMAN.
( err, its no dolce and gabanna here folks. its just a crazy idea we all thought of while walking in spotlight one day. well, after the os seem to be a good time. all hail JINXY LESBIANS! heh!)



2. GO BACK TO CHIANG MAI.
( that is a MUST DO!! i miss that PLACE! i need that for a long deserved HIATUS.)



3. Make it to some place in EUROPE.
(finally! my dream come true!! hoping.. wishing..)



4. Club till the COWS JUMPED OVER THE MOON.
(the last time i did that, i almost got skinned, cause "its YOUR O LEVELS..." BUT after the Os.. whoo!!)



5. Go out and take photos.
(i will finally have the time to do a wider range of shots!)



6. Stay single till next year.
(No way in hell will i get someone.. not yet.. i wanna enjoy!!)



7. Movie Marathon.
(yes... been a very long time since i ever did that.)



8. BIG BANQUET with MEL ANDRE NICOLE PAUL.
( did i miss out anyone? hmm.. it was the 5 of us only for the 2 occasions right? We missed the june hols! and i miss you guys!)



9. Give two very "special" people a piece of MY MIND.
( their names are protected for now for very obvious reasons.. for those who know, hmmm..)



10. Start reading again.
(haven't been reading for the past 4 months. thats bad. according to mrs Kwa, your reading diet should be _ number of books a month. can't really remember.)



11. Finally take a group photo with the ever SPECIAL ANIMAL FARM.
( and go out as A GROUP. yea char? haha! well.. can't wait guys!)



12. Shopping and just having a whacky time.
(all i gotta say to that is, FINALLY!)



haha well, so thats my plan. hmm... see? i'm happy already.. excited even. thanks for hearing me out.
Goodnight!
cheers.

post by joshua at 9:15 AM (x)

Gosh i'm deadbeat.

this is what 5 hours of maths do to you. screw your circuits.

and there's still science to go. shoots.

arghh... i'm bored.. and its hot here.

hmm..

oh yes, happy birthday singapore.

haha. all the best for the coming years then.

later guys.

post by joshua at 2:48 AM (x)

Greetings all, just came back from a very LONG busride.

it actually took half an hour to traverse ONE stretch of the road.

bummer. well, and to think i left town at 930, but arrived home at 11..

like naomi said, PRE HOLIDAY OUTINGS ALL AROUND.

point taken naomi.

went to catch the lake house today with alston and naomi,

a great activity to end my already very flustered and semi moody day.

i must say, the lake house was GOOD. SWELL.

very lovely and touching show.

go watch it folks. can't relate the show.. you gotta catch it yourself.

so left the cinema feeling particulary touched and a tad bit happier,

and more wishful! saw a nice shirt today, along with sneakers.

and i could have sworn the blazers were seucing me too.

man i need moolah. and time.

speaking of which, like jane keeps saying when we meet,

there isn't any left.

given to contemplate the situation,

we've come from "oh there's still 2 years left"

to "its only 2 and a half months left."

It has really flown.

people in, people out.

Met the 4a gang of matthew, sam ryo, nat, aiyun and other gals i did't recognise just now.

old friends we don't get to see often,

brought a smile to my face when i greeted them, ESPECIALLY mr chay, who did not reply val and my birthday messages to him and gave us the impression that he was 6 feet under.

some good friend/ex senior in law huhh.. haha..

nah joking.. matthew, if you're reading this, we still love you.

right, point is that, soon we'll be like that too,

seperated. only the true ones will stay,

like the 4a gang today.

the rest will just fade away.

like what val and i were talking about a very very long time ago,

will we ever be like the previous batch?

so lively, so bonded, so close.

look at them. still going strong, greeting each other as though they just met the day before,

like they're still studying in FMSS.

Frankly back then, both of us envied them,

and sad for the fact that we were just one year late.

i don't know about her, but now, as I look back,

i've gotta say, though we may be different, i think we'll be just fine too.

how bout you?

hmm.. dang i'm tired, but i still gotta go do something.

that something is important.

better get going first before i knock out.

cheers you all.

goodnight.

post by joshua at 8:25 AM (x)

Well its not everyday where you get bitched at.

Some people really just don't learn.

To them, the world is just simply THEIR way.

everything else is just seconday to their very parachial line of sight.

Its just absolute to them.

Its THIS WAY, NO WAY ELSE.

right.

and when we stand up for what we think is correct, and display a little deserved irritation,

we get shot and "put back into place" and asked to consider rationality.

you wanna talk about rationality? fine.

how about the many things that are left unsolved under YOUR care.

we're talking about money here.

what YOU are whining about is just PAPER.

seriously, consider it first before telling us to consider some rationality.

right. i'm in a rush.. i'll continue later..

cheers.

post by joshua at 5:23 AM (x)

The Life of M and M chocolates under Joshua's evil and tyranical rule.

We huddled together in stark fear, waiting for our impending doom.

In the darkness we shiver, and reminisence about the past events that led to this horrendous capture.

No one could remember.

The last thing all of us remembered was a curtain of darkness befalling over our sugar coated shells, and the next a permanent darkness that engulfed all our bodies in a sack like prison.

Muffled sounds of loud singers float across the thin layer of the sack, and the occasional "ding dong"s made us prick up in fear and attention.

suddenly we were tossed around the bag.

a sudden earthquake ripped across our tiny world and a gigantic din pierced the silence.

WHAM, we slammed with force against a hard surface, causing some casualties for the more unfortunate thin shelled individuals.

a rattle of metallic objects, exchange of booming conversation, and we were off again,

the earthquake taking up a sudden vengence and resuming with full force,

throwing us against the thin walls of the sack.

Then without warning, came the weirdest sensation of our entire sugar shelled lives.

the feeling of lightness that one could not comprehend, the sudden feeling of weightlessness,

floating across a span of long seconds, then WHAM! the earthquake resumes again,

knocking the most of us unconcious, myself included.

Riiiiiiiiiiipppppp.

Light bursts into the surrounding as all of us tumble like a stream out of the sack.

we roll into a conical tank, made out of a hard, cold material, which pricked and stung our sugar coated shells without any much of mercy and compassion.

This CANNOT be good, i thought as i rolled to land on the top pile of bodies,

at the peak of the mini everest of yellow, green, blue and red.

THIS IS SO NOT A TYPICAL SUNDAY AFTERNOON.

Suddenly a flexible claw came tumbling down upon us before we could even say "cat in the hat".

It shot into the tank and just missed me just by a bit, grabbing out the rest of my beloved friends,

Reddy, Greenny, Yellowwy, 1, 2, 3.

All in the future i will never see.

( for your information this is NOT a cute nursery rhyme. )

and indeed, that was the last time i ever heard of them,

(Not as if i ever heard them since we do not have ears, but again, this is for your information just a figure of speech as M and Ms DO NOT have ears, or mouths for that matter, and the author will bear no responsibility for freaked out children who are scared of talking or evesdropping M and Ms after reading a particular story thereafter.)

I waited in horror in the tank, waited for the reappearance of the EVIL CLAW, praying hard for a sort of way out of this situation.

( again, just a figure of speech, as i don't think M and Ms have a god.. hmmm..)

I knew it was all over when the CLAW suddenly reappeared,

poised and ready for the kill,

and i could have sworn i could see pieces of reddy on the tip of its talons.

Anytime now, i held my breath.

( once again, another FOS. not full of shit by the way... do i have to keep doing this?)

But the claw simply lingered..

after what seemed to be hours on end, the claw finally withdrew into the outer boundaries unseen by us.

I could not believe my immense luck, and breathed a sigh of relief.

( I'm not saying anything already..... so THERE.)

And as we all lie in the sudden peacfulness,

i could not help but to wonder what will REALLY happen next.......

editor's note:

well, firstly i was bored.

actually i just finished the poor packet of M and Ms.

what happened was i went to get water, and later simply tipped the whole bowl into my mouth.

I just HAD to have chocolate at that point in time.

well,

its not everyday where the heros live right??

sometimes they just gotta go to make us appreciate the ones that come later.

its called MUTUAL SACRIFICE.

haha.. anyway, i hope you all enjoyed the story as much as i enjoyed typing it.

cheers.

post by joshua at 1:46 AM (x)

Saturday Mornings.

. Jazz

. Reading the News

. Playing games

. kicking my already battered soccer ball in the corridors outside and making lots of noise

. dreaming of anything and everything

. taking photos.

. homework

. studies

. playing the piano

good afternoon all.

looks like the saturday afternoon is here.

was listening to jazz and doing homework a while ago before lunch.

darn.. have tuition later though..

hmm.. not that productive this morning actually.

woke up feeling dazed and disorientated.

talk about forgetting everything when you wake up.

there's still a tiny glich of depressed nature in me today.

TINY. MINISCULE.

curable by playing the sims later.

haha.. recently got hooked to the sims 2 for de-stress purpose.

kill the people.. haha.. kidding.

i'm nice to them.. use cheats to make them rich and give them a nice life.

anyway,

i don't know what to say actually.. haha.. i'm bored?

OH! i don't know how to continue...

shit.. aii.. i'm gonna bath now..

cya all tonight.

cheers.

have a good staurday afternoon!

post by joshua at 10:49 PM (x)

Hmm.. In love with the picture that i took not long back..

i'm hoping for this one day.

I wanna see the sun again.

cheers.

post by joshua at 7:17 AM (x)

Greetings all.

got home not too long ago.

today was a 2 hour plus sch day!

hmm... founders day celebrations for the sec 3s 4 s and 5s..

second one so far, attended the one last night with the 2005 batch..

i must say,

time has indeed flown by..

was telling jane yesterday, how soon will it finally be our turn next year yeasterday.

argh well went to sentosa with weijie elis and jane later on today.

haha.. got myself a tan there!

well, wasn't really feeling top grade over there..

so sorry guys..

been feeling squashed these few days..

really bugged and bogged..

seems that life isn't fair sometimes.. haven't really been focusing and such..

yeaa gotta say a word of thanks to weijie.. you know why dude... haha..

i really need to clear somethings and start moving on..

for my own sake i hope.

well haven't had the time to think these few days..

been one hell of a bullet ride lately..

everything is beginning and ending so soon.

hard to say, but i'm kinda lost in transition.

stuck in the gridlock of trying to piece things together slowly..

darn i need novocaine.

gonna play the piano now..

cheers.

post by joshua at 5:31 AM (x)

Aye..

just got home not long.

detoured home to have dinner before heading out again.

see my bro in hospital.

damn.. if there's one thing that i learnt today, it would be to cherish everybody.

had a nasty shock earlier today about what happened..

NASTY.. i was thinking.. what if something ever happened and i never got to apologise for all the wrong i ever did him.

then hit REGRET.

man.. that really sucked..

though in the end i managed to coerce myself not to think about it too much and he'll be fine,

i just had a very very very nasty shock today.

well, least it got me thinking and thanking the Lord for EVERYONE,

FAMILY, TRUE FRIENDS, FRIENDS, MENTORS etc etc..

thank you all SWELL.

tied in with the message in chapel today as well..

could have sworn it was a very clear sign and instruction..

haha.. oh well.. going off to catch him soon.

see ya all later..

cheers.

post by joshua at 3:34 AM (x)