reading helter skelter

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Well, behold!
I am still wide awake! the clock beside my bed says: 2:38.
God i'm so gonna have a very heavy eyelid tomorrow.
Just done with the movie closer.
Yes, its got Jude Law in it. No i'm not obsessed.
Quite confusing i must say? Din't really grab on much. Quite Lit-ty i must admit.
So, what has happened in the discreet, almost mundane life of Joshua?
Well, nothing much these few days.. stayed in the loft most of the time to get tutorials done.
Muse, Pen, Scratch the paper. Yada Yada Yada. The same thing as two years before;
Though, i must swear the feeling two years before was different. It was New.
Well hell, one year ago it felt, Apprehensive.
It actually felt, The Same yesterday when i did it.. God i need a girlfriend.
No, i'm just kidding actually. Things like that are not meant to be asked.
They are meant to be Given.
So anyway, the main highlight probably for the day was that i managed finally to get a neo-casual balzer for any so occasion that might pop up unexpectedly anytime in the year.
I thought it went quite well with the wardrobe, though i did doubt it quite a bit at first.
Well, you know, the usual cynical, dubious joshua. hasn't changed much now hasn't he?
You know, as we hit the third, or was it fourth? or fifth for that matter week of the year,
two things get very clear to you. The first one would be, God, where the hell are all my old friends? and the next would be, why the hell do i even bother?
You see, not meaning to be rude or to hurt anybody's feelings or anything, but really, what does it take to get a little appreciation these days?
I mean, i'm talking about this in a very subjective way here. In general, let me ask you frolics of the general populace, have you ever had that feeling where you just felt you were so under appreciated that, even a whale could have felt that hurt? that one where its pretty much not about getting the thanks, but its just not a blithering right feeling about it?
I mean like bollocks! sure we don't mind doing things and all, and we really don't mind not getting the thanks. But to that level?? i mean don't get me wrong, i'm not aiming at anybody here, but shut the frack up! haha.. its just absurd don't you think??
Yes, i just had THAT feeling.... for whatever the hell reasons i don't know.
And NO its not anyway connected to the past all you past linkers.
Its just a sudden moment. THAT was the main point for all you who missed it. haha.
I'm sure you've all had it too.
Oh my... i'm sure i'll do well for stream of conciousness.. or was it what that's called?
yea i learn well from my lit class.. haha.. its this poem where all it talks about is the poet's thoughts.
Very Random.
Might have acheived that today.
By the way, i want to play pool. Soon.
Any takers?
Oh and by the way, to answer the previous thought questions about where my old friends were?
Oh i sorry.. wrong use of grammer.. where my FRIENDS still ARE?
Hell, they're right beside me. Always.
Thanks Guys.
Cheers.

post by joshua at 10:39 AM (x)

Thursday, January 25, 2007

If Six was a plenty,
Then Three would be scarcity.
If One were once to tarry,
Then We wouldn't been so weary.
But something happened that very day,
One's matter in which I would have never a say,
Oh no; One would never never tarry,
And so left me torn, tattered, and weary.

greetings all citizens of earth!
haha i'm back! after an exceptionally LONG hiatus from this job.
Right, quick update on life;
School's been really great!
starting to enjoy it bit by bit as each day passes,
hopefully i'll be settled good enough to prevent myself from being tossled later by the blustery winds of the south.
Made some new friends,
mostly from my class, and i must say,
if i were to stay on,
i think i'll end up havin quite a bit of fun... heh...

BUT!
i MISS all you guys out there terribly, as usual.
been seeing pockets of fairsians hither and tither,
either for lunch, dinner, pool, movies or class!
Somehow, i have a very quaint feeling within me now,
that eagerness to see all you guys again during the results day!
yes, call me morbid... but hey, come to my situation and i'll bet my bottom dollar you'll be thirsting to see, hear and smell fairsians too!

I realised i haven't done a sum up of 2006 last year,
partially due to the fact that i was outside enjoying the festivities with the bubbly festivity gang!
Hmm.. of which i also do have photos of, but tragically all in film,
due to the fact that i've been playing around with my uncle's film SLR;
So, until i find some way to get the film into the comp,
well, we'll have to keep it as thats that!
ANYWAY,
the summation of 2006, in a few words:

4E
(That goes without saying...)

FSB
(The GOOD, the bad, the crazy, the bitchy and the downright unpleasant)

Canteen Crazies
(Well... we had fun no?)

Chiang Mai
(Always will be in my heart. Loved every moment spent there with everyone. Seconds anyone?)

13th April
(YAY JACQ!!! That day, we turned 16! and you grew shorter! i meant TALLER!!)

A Bright New World
(Was more like a cam whore session.)

Prelims
(Been there, done those...)

VJ failed DSA =D
(Well, that was a Good expierience... really..)

Mugging

Miss Ho's wedding
(Joa's Fave Day!)

18th Sept
(To that dear friend, hope you did enjoy yourself then. Thank you for being such a dear friend.)

23rd Sept
(To this other dear thing with the birthday celebrated in Four parts, Thank you too..)

(you two better be happy!! i could only rmb these 2 vividly due to their quite big scale planning)

Learn @ Fairfield
(Most vivid creature: CARISSA HONG)

Queensway Library
(Crazy eating sessions.)

Esplanade
(Many people... many memories..)

NewYork NewYork
(Mel and JY's erm... beards?? Ian and Mel's LAUGHTER... my word....)

The Os

16th November!
(The sweetest day of the YEAR)

Class Chalet
(Whoo yea!)

Italy
(Truely beautiful, wonderfully awe inspiring.)

Christmas
(Lets do it again this year you people!! 11 more months!)

New Years!
(This year too... haha.)

Yeaaa.... thats it?
i'm racking my brain..
can't seem to think of any other BIG, MAJOR things events any other than those mentioned.
SO thats IT!
TA DA!
2006 in Words.

Till later.
Cheers.

post by joshua at 6:49 AM (x)

Friday, January 05, 2007

Looks like i was wrong,
Terribly wrong.
Well, continuing from the previous post,
I took whatever everyone had to say, and thought bout it,
And prayed, of course, for guidance and help.
And Lo and Behold! the second and third day wasn't so bad at all!
In fact, i did have a tad bit of fun, and i'm definatly lookin forward to the proper lessons and such.
Met my class yesterday. They seem like a nice bunch.
haha. anyway, got a chance to go back to Fairfield yesterday!
GOODNESS, i was ELATED! HAPPY! JOYOUS!
never thought i could be so happy seeing old faces again!
haha, lookin forward to every back to school visits and outings more now!
Juniors, please listen to your dear seniors! CHERISH FAIRFIELD!
haha yep, anyway, i'll have to pop now..
some event happenin at hiag's gals to collect some cash.
heehee.. till then folks!

cheers!
p.s. THANK YOU ALL WHO TALKED SENSE INTO ME.

post by joshua at 10:21 PM (x)

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The first day of school after a long, long while.

Today was quite difficult for me.
Never had imagined that i would have that much difficulties on the first day.
Frankly?
The school that i had dreamt about for four whole years?
Let me down on the very first day.
I don't know.. maybe it was the atmosphere? culture change? people?
but i never felt that silent before in my entire life.
Going to a new school with different people alone is difficult,
i concluded today as i skipped across the raod back home.
Got home, thought about how stupid i was to have thought that i can do this alone.
Total madness, i tell myself now.
Great, now i'm far from where the people who had been a part of 10 years in my life is,
and even further from letting go and giving in to the fact that i am already in this school.

So i called people, asked them how it was.
A few was fine, a few fun, a few thrown into the same flustering situation as myself.
And the questions whether it was the right choice kept sliding across my mind.
I kicked myself hard for not praying about it 4 weeks ago,
i missed the culture, the devotions, the faces badly,
and it did not make matters any better that people called me joe-shua.

But somehow inside of me i felt that burning feeling,
that feeling that i should probably give this another shot tomorrow,
be happy, take this lead and make my own fun.
Hey this school might not be the school that has watched me grow in the past couple of years,
much in contrast to its school anthem, i must admit, sidetracking.
It blatantly had the words "this school that watched me grow".
yea right. i'm 90 percent fairsian whether you like it or not.
anyway, though this school has not watched me grow,
i'd still have the make the best of it.
2 years is a very short time, considering the 10 years i've been through..
but still there was that wrapped up insecurity that held fast within me.
I could not let go.
i could not take His hands and let him lead me into a new beginning,
for i was afraid of what was going to happen to the past.
what if it just, dissappears?
i've seen things drifting apart in these 10 years,
and i certainly do not want the past 2 years to ever go that easily.
So as i stood at the tip of the cliff, looking over my shoulder at the past and contemplating the future,
I realised that i had to let go,
to put it in His hands that the past would always be apart of me,
and it would be beautifully interwoven with the future.
Let me try tomorrow.

Dear Lord, please be with me.
Amen.
Cheers.

post by joshua at 7:50 AM (x)