reading helter skelter

Saturday, May 26, 2007

well hullo everybody.

it has been far too long since i last checked in here to scribble a few lines about my entertainingly boring life.. feeling quite bored and sleepless now, so i thought ohwhattheheck and decided to come back here after a good span of,..... a good 3 months at least?? now THATS what i call a hiatus!

the rolling months have been absolutely dreadful, with school to go to and appointments to keep and promises to fulfill and tests to slaughter. the single only thing that has kept me going on since the start of this term was that the saving redemption of the june holidays were coming... and of course along with that the numerous random mini- holidays that pitted term 2.

so, as of where i last stopped blogging, many things have changed. shifted from vjc to acjc, although now, in hindsight, i AM kinda quite regretting that decision to be a smart ass and dictate what i thought was right at that time and just stay put in vj, and of course, i do miss vj alot. the class, the band. sigh. been blaming myself quite a bit lately for the depression all this episode had cause this few months. shouldn't have went to that party that day, shouldn't have called ---.. should have sucked it in and stick through the two years, should have listened closer to the yelling of my heart to stay put.. and on and on.. never a shortage of childing for myself. i still do not know if what i did was the right choice at all, i really don't.. but i'm certain that ac is not a bad school either. met many new people and i'm fine in school. and things went in ways that it would not have gone if i stayed in vj.. but whatever it is, i know that if it was the wrong choice, i'm paying the price for not listening to divine advice earlier this year. oh how i tend to make drastically wrong decisions that make my life difficult. take another example, changed from a band boy to a tracker and fencer. not very smart a decision, but it was governed by my want to try something new.. we shall see what that brings in time to come, but currently? all its bringing is sore muscles and bs and cs for tests. oh btw, i failed both my lit tests for the term.. how sad.

so yes, i went for the vjcsb concert yesterday, majestia xxii. it was not too bad, loved their spastacus. never knew it matured into a smashing good piece! btw, vjc got gold with honours for their syf and are playing in the presentation night.. hope to get tix. AND, great job guys for the concert and syf. so i was sitting there with aaron darren yirui and melly, and i was thinking to myself, damn, i could have been there playing.. i practiced this piece too, and ended up leaving. what followed was the pattern of thought simillar to the paragraph above.. but hey, least i got to see many familliar faces and say hi/ talk to people that i haven't seen in months.. mieo ting, christina, mark, eric, shushan, matthew etc etc... been too long. well, at least i've got the invitation now to come back more to say hi. you guys will be seeing more of me soon then. =) haha.. OH, and i said hi to lao shi too... she was happy to see me. and she missed me. AHAHAHAHA! =D

the concert ended at 10ish, and i was supposed to go to gabrina eden and jean's party at ariel's place. for one, i did not know who ariel was, and where her house was. haha.. they called me to bring friends, so i asked ian along, who couldn't make it cause his mom said no.. haha its fine dude! BUT, seeing that my parents were out, and i was too lazy to take a bus right up to the west, and i didn't have money for a cab, and the party consisted of people that i didn't even know! and that pak kee also couldn't make it cause his parent's said no, i went for supper with darren yirui aaron melly lima and her friend benjamin instead. haha..

went to the coffee club at siglap, where i had by DINNER, at 11ish mind you all, while they had their slices of sinful cheesecake and mudpies.. ok, so i did have myself a lovely cheesecake after dinner too, but hey lets face it. i'm skin and bones. haha. we caught up, talked about first 3 months, JLKF and his bloody gay antics, and laughed and laughed. right, actually aaron did most of the laughing.. or cackling if you might so call it that.. it was really fun. a great way to end my term i must say! kinda poetic i thought.. i started the term leaving a new beginning behind to trace back my roots, leaving behind my new "old" friends and band life in the process, and ended it with a reunion with old friends and the band again. it came full circle. kinda thematic. like LOST, which, was a spectacular season finale last thursday. can't wait for season 4. so yea, my term ended nicely and i got the invitations to come back more often again! =D yay i will i will lima! after that yirui and melly sent me home in their cab before headed homeward bound. thanks you two! and i walked home thereafter, a happier dude, who found his soul again that day, into the moonlight...

AND THUS, the holidays begin. one month of rest. one month of serious kick ass freak mugging. one month of play. one month of party. one month of friends. really hope i'll do well in the terms... gotta work towards that.. haven't really been walking alongside with God these few months i gotta admit.. plan to take this holidays to find myself again, and to come back to the right path.. i really hope he does his magic in me again these two years. its not so much about the proving that one can do well and yet still be able to play and be whacky, its more about the SELF KNOWLEDGE AND SATISFACTION that you've got BALANCE, and can be a really FUNKY NERD, while the rest settles for the latter of the capitalized words alone. yupp. thats my goals folks. the race is on.

joshua is back...
but sleepy.
cheers world.

post by joshua at 10:40 AM (x)

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Hello all, apologies for the lack of updates as of late.
Laptop crashed due to silly brothers and messed up hard drive space or summat along that sort.
Thus, as that little sad piece of information would have implied, i have been pretty distant from this little world we so poignantly call THE WORLD, but, still surviving. Thank the stars.
Well, the days have been rolling, and i am sure it would be rather pleasing to some to know that i, have been rolling around with this huge mess we call days down a pretty steep slope as of late.
Been home late most of the week, due to confounded journeys, joined up two pretty gruelling ccas for the fun of "change", and being shamelessly labelled by people, FRIENDS included as a snob, and a model example. for one, isn't it amazing how insanely perfect my life is? and for two, God i hate being looked and scrutinised at and expected to do things that sometimes might not even agree with me but unfortunatly have to be done for namesake, and for three, its not good to judge a book by its cover.

goodnessihatethisspacebar.. fridaywasgreat.metupwiththeguysbackinfairfield,headedfordinner!
haha..goodnessimisseveryone.

cheers

post by joshua at 2:21 AM (x)

Saturday, March 10, 2007

So, the deal with these few days:

1. I finally left VJ to join in the ranks of fellow ACSians. God it still really has not sunken in yet, and being in a totally new environment again makes things feel even more surreal, not that it hasn't been as surreal enough as before, but everything else in this moment feels very airy like, as if taken half out of a sweet storybook and a particularly bad nightmare, or as Rachel in friends would call it, "the world's worst hangover." Well, i am particularly thankful for the fact that at least even though things around me are changing again, I am in a place filled with a certain familiarity and nostalgia, and that in its sense definatly comforts me. It, however is darn sad to know that not most of the fairsian population would be joining us in AC. I came to AC dreaming that there would be an influx of fairsians, something much resembling that of what miss lim said not too long ago about most of 4D 4E and 4F making it there, not saying that the other classes are not very much liked to be seen there of course! but you guys know.. the social stigmas and all, expects us to be were we are expected to be. That being said, sometimes don't you just wish that sucessful education here wouldn't be that much of a social dogma than it already is. Sure it does do us good in the long run, it does help the country flourish at the end of the day, but to what extent and cost does that bring to the poor little children that are constantly labeled and categorized according their intelligences to different compartments in the education drawer? Hmm i don't know.. i'm just for having a fine education and a balanced lifestyle.. and by fine i do not mean tuition at the age of 7. THAT is just gross.. haha.

2. Did i say before that i was going to miss VJC?? OH YES. gonna miss VJC alot i guess.. actually, the only thing that i really really miss alot is the class. Yes the very wonderful class that i was blessed to have. 07s33! well, to all s33ers who do come by here once in a while, i must really say that we were easily the most rockin class in the entire batch! we definatly did show everyone else what havin fun in school meant, and though most of us have left to go to other places of our own choices, what's most important is the memories that we all had, and of course, the ending, where we will all meet again. I quote T.S. Elliot, ..."And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time..." I'll see you guys when i'll next see you.

3. Putting on the Slacksville sign right now. Due to the full swing of the orientation, i decided to take a long break myself, before real work starts over the hols! Hopefully the time i gave myself to recover after the long recovery after the december hols was not too long, but not too short! Next week's gonna be a very busy week....
OH and do make it for chapelthon all you fairsians out there! next tuesday, dunno what time to 10 pm.. 630 i think?? hahahaha...

4. I'm really lookin forward to next month! cause come next month next year, both jacq and i would be steppin into new theatre grounds! Ian and i can then talk about the road trips and them drinks we'll get! Elis can finally bug me to get her that cocktail! I will drag Nat into a club and remove her "good girl" sign! hahaha! lookin forward to the much delayed april baby celebrations! don't we all rock? =P

haha i'm getting tired.. you guys have a wonderful holiday ahead!
cheers!

post by joshua at 8:49 AM (x)

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Its been quite a while since i've blogged,
and for some very peculiar and unknown reasons,
i don't have a very good excuse as to why such a freak phenomenon is happening.
The last post was 3 weeks ago.
Thats why backward, if you would ask any blogger out here in these vast plains.
Its long enough to make foot squished grape juice into wine.
How horrid.

Anywho, I must definatly say that this year has been very faux.
I have no idea what the word faux means.
It just came so as fitting for the sentence.
Anyway, whether or not faux is appropriate for the sentence,
This year so far, in all the shortness of the quick 2 plus plus months,
has been rather stale for me,
in a more colloquial way,
this year damn sian leh..
Many things have been weighing on my mind since the first day of school begun,
and though i'm still in the midst of piecing together events to eventually form a good enough thesis and structure about what the hell these 2 plus plus months have been about,
I must say i do feel a sense of displacement as of late.
I shall thus explain myself one final time to everyone,
and anything pertaining to this matter henceforth from today on would probably be taken in with the showy length of my middle finger.

I have decided, after 6 days of very terrible and horrid headaches,
to finally go to ACJC.
i know for most, this would be received with a wide bug eyed stare,
complimented with thoughts of "this guy is crazy" and all,
or maybe "traitor traitor!!" from the victorian side..
Bugger, this is even harder to explain.
Actully having a hard time explaining to people that i meet.
Its just that ACJC feels correct.
I've been to AC a few times already, and everytime i walk through those gates,
something inside me feels correct.
Not that VJ is not correct or anything,
But...... ahhh hell abndsivgbiab....
Okay. in short, its my perogative.

cheers!
OH P.S. Pool anyone?? hahahaha...

post by joshua at 1:03 AM (x)

Saturday, February 10, 2007

The Lord Blessed me on Friday.
Praise the LORD!!!!
Thank you Lord for EVERYTHING.

But now i'm confused.
torn between two places.
Somehow my heart is set on one,
but is it the right choice?

I need His Guidance one more time...
Help.

post by joshua at 9:34 AM (x)

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Hello all!
Its finally tuesday.. and that does not bode well.
Oh no no no no no......
3 more days to reality.
Thats good in a way that we'll get to see everyone again!
But darn sucky in THAT way that we would have to face up to reality.
I'm darn worried..
On one hand there's a possibility that dreams would be realised and happiness would prevail.
But on the other its a really really bad nightmare.
Shit happens, but still there's always a silver lining.
Egad! its so "on-the-fence"!!
Then there's the decision whether to go AC or to stay in VJ.
VJ might be a very good school, with a superb culture, and i have a really swell class.. but i dunno,
is it worth it to feel "discontented" and unsettled in a school even if its good?
On the other hand, AC would be just like home,
I'll feel more comfortable, have old friends, seniors, new friends,
Culture's pretty much on par with fairfield, something that i WOULD be happy with,
I don't know... i'm pretty torn between both schools.
The people at VJ give me the "WHAT??" stare when i mention AC..
well, they seem to have the wrong perception somehow..
Like my lit teacher when she was way younger, at our age,
I feel like some alien that landed on some different planet.
Trouble is, she had friends of the same kind of schools to be with.
I'm.. kinda splat?

well.. i have no idea what this friday would be like..
i shall just try to be calm and composed.
haha.

post by joshua at 5:41 AM (x)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Well, behold!
I am still wide awake! the clock beside my bed says: 2:38.
God i'm so gonna have a very heavy eyelid tomorrow.
Just done with the movie closer.
Yes, its got Jude Law in it. No i'm not obsessed.
Quite confusing i must say? Din't really grab on much. Quite Lit-ty i must admit.
So, what has happened in the discreet, almost mundane life of Joshua?
Well, nothing much these few days.. stayed in the loft most of the time to get tutorials done.
Muse, Pen, Scratch the paper. Yada Yada Yada. The same thing as two years before;
Though, i must swear the feeling two years before was different. It was New.
Well hell, one year ago it felt, Apprehensive.
It actually felt, The Same yesterday when i did it.. God i need a girlfriend.
No, i'm just kidding actually. Things like that are not meant to be asked.
They are meant to be Given.
So anyway, the main highlight probably for the day was that i managed finally to get a neo-casual balzer for any so occasion that might pop up unexpectedly anytime in the year.
I thought it went quite well with the wardrobe, though i did doubt it quite a bit at first.
Well, you know, the usual cynical, dubious joshua. hasn't changed much now hasn't he?
You know, as we hit the third, or was it fourth? or fifth for that matter week of the year,
two things get very clear to you. The first one would be, God, where the hell are all my old friends? and the next would be, why the hell do i even bother?
You see, not meaning to be rude or to hurt anybody's feelings or anything, but really, what does it take to get a little appreciation these days?
I mean, i'm talking about this in a very subjective way here. In general, let me ask you frolics of the general populace, have you ever had that feeling where you just felt you were so under appreciated that, even a whale could have felt that hurt? that one where its pretty much not about getting the thanks, but its just not a blithering right feeling about it?
I mean like bollocks! sure we don't mind doing things and all, and we really don't mind not getting the thanks. But to that level?? i mean don't get me wrong, i'm not aiming at anybody here, but shut the frack up! haha.. its just absurd don't you think??
Yes, i just had THAT feeling.... for whatever the hell reasons i don't know.
And NO its not anyway connected to the past all you past linkers.
Its just a sudden moment. THAT was the main point for all you who missed it. haha.
I'm sure you've all had it too.
Oh my... i'm sure i'll do well for stream of conciousness.. or was it what that's called?
yea i learn well from my lit class.. haha.. its this poem where all it talks about is the poet's thoughts.
Very Random.
Might have acheived that today.
By the way, i want to play pool. Soon.
Any takers?
Oh and by the way, to answer the previous thought questions about where my old friends were?
Oh i sorry.. wrong use of grammer.. where my FRIENDS still ARE?
Hell, they're right beside me. Always.
Thanks Guys.
Cheers.

post by joshua at 10:39 AM (x)